Sick Kids: 2015 “Perspective”
This is my fifth day at Sick Kids with my little girl. It is my 11th time doing this in her eight years. A week to ten days of intensive medical therapy and critical care, with dedicated doctors and nurses to bring her back to health.
Absolutely exhausted from sleeping on a bench, I briefly leave the room to go downstairs. I enter the elevator in which there is a woman with a beautiful little girl who appears to be about three years old. ( she happens to have special needs ) I greet her warmly, as parents tend to, in this incredibly unique hospital.
I said to the mother: “She’s beautiful… I have a daughter just like her. How is she doing?”
In life one has to be very careful of the questions one asks. I nearly cracked with the reply I received. “She’s just finished her fifth round of chemo”, the woman replied. my heart sank, it was all I could do to hold back my emotions and tears.
I knew that I would return to my daughters room, and within a few days she would be good as new, bouncing up-and-down and we would be back home. Not so much for this lady, and her beautiful little blessing.
Speaking of blessings… For those who have no mathematical skills, and don’t know how to count the blessings they do have, I highly recommend spending a couple of days at Sick Kids Hospital in Toronto. G-d willing obviously not because your child is ill… You can easily choose to volunteer. They could certainly use the help.
It would give you a completely different perspective on life. You would see children, who, although they are going through a great deal healthwise, have the greatest spirit you have ever seen. They have far more courage than you can believe. They very often outstrip their parents in their ability to cope.
You may be asking why a divorce coach is writing about this, and what it has got to do with your circumstance and separation?
For crying out loud I say… Where is your decency? As a couple, you started a relationship together. Things were on fire, you went to fancy restaurants and on lavish vacations. You had all kinds of fun upon embarking on your relationship. You were romantic and kind to each other. You overlooked each other’s shortcomings. As the years went by you chose to take on the responsibility of creating a family. You brought life into this world and began raising the incredible blessings that you have received.
Now things have ended, there is no further love between you. You strike at each other verbally, you refuse to trust one another, and you are abrogating your responsibilities to your children.
I draw a direct parallel to the mention of Sick Kids in two ways.
Firstly, you should be so lucky that you have healthy children. You are not battling that battle while going through a separation and divorce. If you were, you would learn to handle things very differently… and very quickly. You would change your priorities but fast. How incredibly blessed are you that they are healthy. All you need to do is sit down and in good faith negotiate with your partner. Learn to co-parent and forge a new future.
Secondly, the selfish disregard for the children, their feelings and their emotional health is so often displayed by parents going through divorce… it’s quite unbelievable. The damage to your children’s emotional well-being is in-calculable. The three things they need most at this time are your unconditional love, not being put in the middle and used, and not seeing or hearing the two of you fight. In fact they need to see the two of you show each other decency and respect.
Have the courage to reach out and get the help you require. There are many experts that can work well with you, provide you the tools and techniques to learn to work with each other and overcome the issues. Your children’s health and well-being is paramount. In order to preserve it through this process of separation and divorce, get the help that you need. By doing so, you will ensure their health and well-being… But if you fail, you do so at their peril.
Love your children… Return to decency, overcome the emotional difficulties of working through this process and move forward with your life. Help them to ensure that they can move forwards with their’s…. love your children.
Note: Some of you may disagree due to personal circumstances. You may have an ex who refuses to return to decency while you fall on your sword and do all you can for your children. This article is intended to help those who can, choose to reset their perspective, take a step back, remove the blinders, see the bigger picture… and hopefully find a better way to achieve success.
David Rosenberg is a divorce coach and conflict management specialist.
If you would like assistance with mediation or coaching, feel free to contact him for a consultation. David can provide the in-depth training and on-going advice to resolve the issues.
Reduce the Cost and Conflict… Succeed and Win.