Establishing the right mindset to put your children first, while negotiating your divorce is critical.
All too often a couple engages in negotiation, initially resulting in disaster. The conflict is immediately escalated, the war has begun.
They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
Even after this initial conflict, many couples are intent on finding a way to resolve the issues peacefully. They will engage a mediator to assist them.
That is an excellent first step. However, arriving with the right mindset is essential. Having gone through the process himself, David received excellent advice when he first embarked on divorce mediation a decade ago. (Thanks J. L.)
“Bring a photo of your children with you to the first session”
This was the advice provided by the mediator. Upon arriving at the first session, the first question asked was: “Where is the photo of your children? Please place it on the table in front of you.”
Wisely, the mediator said the following: Throughout every issue and every point of contention that you have to deal with, look at that photo and remember “It’s about them, put them first”.
All too often, the divorce process itself is very contentious. The damage suffered during the divorce is often worse than what occurred in the marriage.
Have an expert guide you through the process to learn how to manage your:
- Utilization of time with your lawyer
- Communication with your ex
- Communication with your children
- Discussion of the topic amongst your friends and family in the community
With the right techniques and strategy, you can very often win your ex over, and press the reset button. You can learn to work together. You can turn the divorce process into the beginnings of a strong co-parenting relationship.
Knowing how to adjust your actions in communication will drastically alter the impact on your:
- The outcome of your divorce
- Future co-parenting relationship
- And….. without question your future relationships. No one wants to be involved with somebody that has an ongoing conflict with their ex.
Learning how to approach each issue in the negotiation with the view point of ensuring a fair outcome, while also putting your children first, requires a strong and skilled guide. All too often the emphasis is immediately focused on negotiating the issues.
Creating the right mindset, and framing the issues in the correct long term context, is far more conducive to developing a productive outcome.
David Rosenberg is a divorce coach and conflict management specialist.
If you would like assistance with mediation or coaching, feel free to contact him for a consultation. David can provide the in-depth training and on-going advice to resolve the issues.
Reduce the Cost and Conflict… Succeed and Win.